saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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