can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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