It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
