I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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