Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
