Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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