Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
