he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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