Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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