I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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