I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
