he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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