fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
