please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
