its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
