Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
