I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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