I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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