Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
