I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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