No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
