I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
