So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
