I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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