Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

Fav 1 1949 1950
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

Fav 33 7972 1251
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move

Fav 15 4706 844
share tweet
(925): View more from California

I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

Fav 26 6399 1093
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(216): View more from Ohio

i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

Fav 29 7097 2050
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it

Fav 16 4236 1343
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.

Fav 10 2445 1331
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.

Fav 0 745 496
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(336): View more from North Carolina

Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.

(1-336): View more from North Carolina

I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.

Fav 0 45 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT