Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
