both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.