Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.