My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize