so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.