apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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