my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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