Swine flu. Run for my life!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
