i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
