Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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