It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My breasts were aching with rage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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