I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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