I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
