wakey wakey hands off snakey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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