Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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