also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
