But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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