Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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