That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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