no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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