he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
