dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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