I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
