I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
