I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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