some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had to coat check the pizza.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
