is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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