Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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