Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
