i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
