i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
