He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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